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Totaling Up Your Number Of Lovers

It's the question on everyone's mind: What's your number? No, not what's your phone number, but how many people have you slept with?

I personally never saw the importance in asking this question. I find it rude and intrusive on what you did or did not do in your past.

Does anyone have the right to judge you on the number of people you have or have not slept with in the past? Of course people can judge you on anything this is just one of them, however....

Different people have different answers to that particular question.

A lot of people I know ask out of curiosity or nosiness, and among friends it gives us the opportunity to "one up" each other. Somehow, "What's your number," has become as common a question as, "Where do you go to school?" Depending on your audience, your number fluctuates. People worry that too high a number labels you a slut, while if it's too low you're considered a prude.

There's a theory out there that says when you ask a guy what his number is, you have to cut it by a third to get his "real number." Asking a girl? Multiply by three. Using all of this math seems a little ridiculous, but there is one thing that cannot be denied—people aren't honest about their number.

So if that last paragraph is true then any guy I asked who replied 33 the answer really is 11, while if I said 50 the answer would be 150 (I should be so lucky...lol).

So if you know the person is going to lie...why in the world would you ask the question?

I talked with a few friends around work and on the phone about how they feel about their real number. They run the gamut from feeling embarrassed to being empowered by it. One commented, "I think I am a slut because my number is high." Another mused, "My mom says that as long as you don't go into the double digits, you're not a slut." (why you would tell your mom I am not sure but each to their own I guess)

What?!? Does sleeping with a certain number of people make you a slut? There is certainly an assumption in society that your promiscuity is in direct proportion to how many people you've slept with. However, I think being a slut has more to do with how you conduct yourself in public than when you are behind closed doors. (If you are dancing naked on table tops and giving BJS in the bathroom well you may want to consider yourself a slut....but we all have checkered pasts .. right???)

Another girlfriend of mine, always concerned with keeping her number low, has been known to resort back to previous lovers to keep her number down. One of my friends has even stayed in unsatisfying relationships all in the name of their number!

Others could care less about their number. One girlfriend says she feels empowered by how many people she has slept with, as does a guy friend. The more people she can add to her tally, the better. Another friend has simply stopped counting. In the case of my guy friend he says it is like another notch in his belt and every girl has taught him something new.

A friend of mine said that she knew a guy who's number was around 30 and she would not consider him "datable". I inquired as to why? Her response hit me hard, she could not get involved with a guy who was probably a "walking STD"....are you kidding me, in this day and age of safe sex??? Give me a break.

Regardless of what our numbers mean, they are rising. If I had to guess, I would say our numbers are probably much higher than our parents' were at our age. Casual sex has become more and more prevalent from one generation to the next.

The question can be meaningless if it's your significant other or sexual partner asking. What does it really matter? And more importantly, aren't there better questions to ask your partner? Just off the top of my head:

Have you ever been tested for STDs?

What kind of birth control do you use?

What have you been taught about sex?

Do you like it?

My personal opinion when it comes down to it, what does the number really mean other then how many people you have actually slept with? It says nothing important, it is not a reflection of who you are. Does it make you a bad person if you have slept with a 100 people in your 20 or so years? I highly doubt it.

Does it make you more skilled as a lover? Most of the time, it seems people who have bedded many people are actually less experienced than those who have a significantly lower number but have been in long-term relationships. A string of one-night stands might up your number, but it's probably not going to do much in terms of "skills."

Personally I would like to see people judged for who they are not for the number of people they have slept with or for that matter anything but their personality.

Are we so "victorian" that we need to outfit women and men with chastity belts so that we are virgins when we are married?

Ultimately, what you do with your number is your own decision. Brag about it, laugh about it, heck, make an excel spreadsheet out of it—just don't take it too seriously.

My advice: Keep the number close to your heart and brain. Mind your own damn business. Don't ask a question if you do not want to hear a truthful answer and give one in return.

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