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Slimming Inches with Sex

By Sherry Stoner/Roger Ross

Having sex is yet another great way for burning up those unwanted calories from that calorie-laden dinner you just ate.

So here are the calories you will burn with foreplay and sex:

REMOVING CLOTHES
With partners consent…12 calories
Without partners consent… 187 calories

UNHOOKING BRA
Using two calm hands… 7 calories
Using one trembling hand … 36 calories

GETTING INTO BED
Lifting partner… 1.5 calories
Dragging partner along floor... 16 calories
Using skateboard to drag partner…3 calories

ACHIEVING ERECTIONS
For normal healthy man… 2.5 calories
Losing erection…14 calories
Searching for it … 115 calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM
With erection… 1.5 calories
Without erection... 300 calories

INSERTING DIAPHRAGM
If the woman does it:
Experienced…6 calories
Inexperienced.. 73 calories
If a man does it… 650 calories
Add 5 calories for retrieving if from across the room

POSSIBLE INTERCOURSE SIDE EFFECTS
Bouncing … 7 calories
Sliding around … 9 calories
Serious Skidding… 12 calories
Whiplash… 27 calories

ORGASM
Real…27 calories
Fake…160 calories

ORGASM INTENSITY SCALE
Expression didn’t change… 0.5 calories
Birds sang:
Large Bird…7 calories
Small Bird…3 calories
Earth moved.. 30 calories
Shoes flew off… 35 calories

PULLING OUT:
After orgasm…0.5 calories
A few moments before orgasm… 500 calories

PENIS ENVY
For women … 3 calories
For men… 72 calories

GUILT
Bonking each other with parents in the other room… 7 calories
Putting it on your expense account…9 calories
Banging your boss for a promotion…30 calories

AGGRAVATION
Partner keeps showing plants…5 calories
Partner is taking phone calls…7 calories
Partner just visited the bathroom for the 7th time.. 10 calories
Partner insists on dog cuddling during foreplay…14 calories
Partner is making phone calls…30 calories

GETTING CAUGHT
By partner’s spouse… 60 calories
By your spouse…100 calories
Trying to explain..55 calories
Trying to remain calm…100 calories
Leaping out of bed..75 calories
Getting dressed in one motion…500 calories

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