Top100DatingPersonals.com

The Wrong Person For You

by Sherry Stoner

Dating can be a complicated and frustrating experience and most people wonder whether or not its worth the trouble at least once in their lifetime. I, can say from personal experience sometimes I wonder why I bother..with all the losers out there and the men who either want a one night stand or are a stalker, what is a girl to do?

Buy a vibrator? Naw, too easy...although easier then going out and meeting someone, not quite as satisfying no matter how many batteries you go thru.

Many people unintentionally seek out others who mesh very poorly with them and continue this behavior through failed relationship after failed relationship. Friends or relatives who try to intervene do not often help the situation; though their insight should be taken into account, it is often ignored. O yeah, we know we should listen but we never do, why? Because it is easier to have that one moment of happiness before the let down.

For the most part, people who suffer from this problem understand that they do, in fact, have a problem, but why they continue this destructive behavior is not so easily understood.

So I have come up with a list of possible problems, now whether they come to any of your situations is something else, but hey who knows maybe I can help you find the perfect man (and when you do, ask if he has a brother for me..)

Possible Problems:
There can be many reasons for a person to seek out those that they know will end up hurting them or causing them to feel unhappy. Some of the most common tend to stem from their introduction into dating or the way in which they were treated by those closest to them as children:

Lack of Affection:
Ranging from those children who were ignored to those in more severe cases or were physically abused the lack of affection as child can have an enormous impact on a persons future relationships. Many people who were denied the comfort of both physical and mental forms of affection as children have great difficulty interpreting their own feelings about it later on. Often people who suffer this kind of problem will have difficulties with being touched, experience a great deal of insecurity, need constant reassuring from their partners, and have difficulty opening up. My advice...get some counseling to help you work thru some of the problems.

Past Abuse:
There are many forms of abuse that child can experience and all can have a devastating effect on the way they perceive those in their lives. Many of the people who experience abuse will have great difficulty trusting; emotional problems and a wide range of other mental issues that they might not even be aware of. Some of the people that experience abuse as children will unknowingly seek to repeat the pattern by entering into a relationship with someone who continues this abuse. In many cases the insecurity and pain of the person with this kind problem can be so great that they actually believe that they deserve more abuse. By the way, there is a very subtle form of abuse that is not actually physical abuse but can be just as devastating from a future relationship standpoint, and that is mental abuse. If you are constantly run down as a child, or even not given any form of positive feedback on your successes, you may end up relationship challenged in later life. Same advice as above, seek out some counselling.

Chasing a Stereotype:
In some cases people will chase the idea of what they believe is the right kind of person simply because they are under the impression that it is the type of person that others would want. While they might personally not share the same tastes, their need to be accepted by others is so strong that they will ignore their own feelings in favor of getting peer approval.

Bad Prior Relationship:
While some people begin dating with these kinds of issues, others are perfectly fine until they encounter a person who deeply hurts them. After enduring such pain many people tend to become very emotional which can cause problems in the future. Often people blame themselves for the failed relationship and enter into a pattern of behavior that is highly destructive to their lives. While seeking to repair the damage through another person they will often become more confused about who they are and what they want in their desperation not to have another failed relationship. Too many women I know do this ( I have ) and it is just not worth it. All you really have to do is wait, and when you least expect the right one will come around.

Okay so now we know why I (I mean all women) do this to themselves, lets solve the problem.

Break the Pattern:
Certain social places are known for attracting specific types of people; if these types have been a poor choice for your relationships it might be time to find a new place to socialize. Often certain memories that you will naturally think about while in such places will also help to trigger some of the negative thoughts that lead you to repeating your mistakes. Start fresh with a new place where you can begin making new memories. Continuing to spend time with friends who encourage this behavior may also be a mistake, at least until you feel that you are strong enough to ignore their influence. Try to keep friends close that will help you through your problem.

Get to Know Yourself:
Does any person really know themselves though?

This might prove difficult for a great many people who are suffering from insecurity and believe their likes and dislikes to be unimportant. Again, the aid of good friends is an invaluable tool, but if you find yourself without help this might prove a good time to make new friendships Many communities host activities that you may want to try. There are online friend-finding services that can easily match you with others who might be able to give advice, or just be someone to talk to. Once you feel a little better about who you are and know what you do and don't like about yourself, you may feel better prepared to enter into a relationship. Even joining classes for self-improvement is a great idea.

Understanding Your Needs:
Making the decision to enter into a relationship with another person can be a big one; entering into it without understanding what you want in a companion is not always the best way to achieve success. Most confidant people know that in order to be happy in a relationship, or dating, the people that they choose to be with must meet some of their criteria. This is not to say that you should have a rigid list of demands that potential suitors have to meet; simply know what qualities you hope to find in another person. If you enter into a relationship not knowing what you desire from the other person your needs might never be addressed since neither you nor your partner understand them. Taking the time to think about what qualities you find most attractive in an ideal partner may prove very useful in sending up red flags the next time youre headed down that road to self destructive dating.

Independence:
While you try to work out your personal problems, hopefully with the help of those who love you, remember that sometimes a little space and time is needed before jumping back in. Be sure that you are free of any past relationships that may prove to be harmful to you and make a space for yourself that feels safe and positive. If you can achieve a healthy and positive state of mind you will more than likely realize that romance, while being a wonderful thing, is not something to that you need in order to be happy. Focusing on what will make you feel good about your life often leads to meeting people who have a positive influence on it. Take the time you need to change the course of your life so that if you do meet someone special you can proceed without fear or insecurity and instead make your way towards something that you can be proud of.

Now whether these work for every woman is another story, it is how you interpret them and put these skills to use that will bring you the happiness and dating relationships that you want. Always look out for number one: YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

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