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On Waiting For Mr. Goodbar

By Sherry Stoner

As a women we are often faced with difficult choices each and every day, what to wear, what to eat, will I be late for work, can I make it to my class, etc.

The hardest choices of all of course are matters of the heart - relationships.

Personally I like relationships where I can actually enjoy the other person's company, have chemistry, not just sexual, but also emotional chemistry, you can laugh, cry and have deep conversations about life in general. That happens to be what I look for in a partner myself, but ultimately, that is also the recipe for longer lasting relationships.

The real question here is, at some point in your life, do you have to settle for less than what you really want so you do not grow old alone?

Remembering that the average divorce rate is 50% these days and the end of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships is even higher, it is a question that plagues both men and women interestingly enough.

My answer to that question at this point in my life would be - under no circumstances settle. I have learned from personal experience that settling is just not an acceptable option to me. I have settled, and failed.

You can't just settle for anyone you know you will not be happy with. If you do then you are just going to end up being miserable and never know the meaning of true happiness. You just have to wait for the right person to come along.

Of course if I had taken my own advice I would not have married the second time. I married the second time because I felt I was getting older (okay not ancient but older) and that my chances of finding a man where decreasing rapidly as the years went by. My first marriage had ended in 1992 and I had waited until 1999 to move in with someone and even longer to marry them.

The day of the wedding arrived and my gut was screaming DON'T DO IT!!!! RUN. Of course me, being me, I did walk down the aisle out of a sense of obligation and the fear of what would happen to me.

3.5 years and a lot of other stuff later I am getting a divorce.

I lowered my standards so I would not be alone. Many people do this by rationalizing that they can change the person or that things will be magically different eventually.

I know people who think that if your standards are too high that you are narcissistic. Wrong. These men and women just know what they want and do not want in a partner.

Relationships should grow with each day and in that relationship that we all strive for the spark should never die. You should grow fonder of your partner each day you are together. A relationship should inspire both people and the next step should never be the question.

You should not take the next step in a relationship "because it has been a while it seems the right thing to do." You should take it because you want to!

The following quotes should be remembered everyday.

1. I love you not because of whom you are but because of whom I am when I am with you

2. "Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you."

3. A relationship can only move as fast as the slowest person. Move too fast and you'll leave a great person behind.

4. A relationship isn't 50/50, its 100/100.

5. To be happy and single, you need to be single by choice, not by default. A 'dry spell' is never a bad thing, it is always a great time to find yourself, and when you find yourself you find everything you have to offer.

6. Never regret anything, after all, at one point it was exactly what you wanted.

If you remember these points in your relationships and you both can follow them you may have found the perfect partner for you.

Myself...I am still looking and likely will be for some time to come!!

Good Luck to all those looking and remember there is someone for everyone, so don't give up.

You just may have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince!!!!

***quotes by Mason Stanley

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